Day 8: I’m not fixed yet

I think I’m at the point now where it’s going to get really hard.  This is the time in previous endeavors where I would normally think, “I got this, I don’t need to strictly finish all 30 days, I understand and have demonstrated that I can implement the concepts, so that little sugar cookie over there won’t hurt me”.

I’m starting to understand that this is the point where the work really begins.  The first week I’m coasting on adreneline and the ‘newnesss’ of the program.  Because of that, it’s not as hard to face down some of the demons I really need to address during this program.  Like, craving sugar.  Or, eating for emotional reasons.  (those are kind of the same thing)

To be fair, my diet pre-Whole30 wasn’t horrible.  I eat well, compared to the average Joe (and even perhaps the average triathlete).  I don’t need to do Whole30 for health reasons, because I’m healthy.  I need to do this program because I have some bad habits that I need to understand and manage more effectively.  If I emerge on the flip side with an understanding of what’s going on in my brain when I crave sugar or goodies and how to manage it, then these 30 days will have been a success.  The answer to that question, at least the way I’m thinking now, is that I need to stay focused on what I’m trying to accomplish over the long-term and be able to weigh the value of the short-term (the cookie) versus the long-term reward (kick ass triathlete).  While the impact of the individual sugar cookie, physically speaking, is minimal, the real impact is that it enables the crutch I’ve become used to and dependant on, and that overall is holding me back. The commitment of the 30 days helps me focus. It’s short, digestible. I’ll worry about what comes after, later.

I’m going to re-do some of the meals I’ve been having.  I think I need to focus less on carbs and veggies and more on healthy fats.  I should be able to go between meals without snacking, and that’s not happening yet.  I’m going to start eating avocados like nobody’s business, in hopes that helps.  I should probably eat more seafood, too.

Workout: 9 am, 2 hard boiled eggs pre-run (hungry from the early dinner last night!), 45′ run, 1/2 sweet potato wrapped in two slices of turkey post-run.

Breakfast:  11 am, 3 eggs scrambled in 1 tsp ghee (probably could have used more) with spinach, pulled pork, 1/2 avocado.  I’m breaking the mold!

Did a bunch of shopping after breakfast.  A miracle happened at Kohls.  I had to return some stuff I bought for my boyfriend, so I was anticipating waiting in line for about 20 minutes, and then not having a smooth return process (even though I had the receipts).  It was the exact opposite!  No line, so I went right to the counter, and the whole thing took less than three minutes.  It took longer to park and walk in than it did to return the stuff.  Win.

I had an apple on my way back from Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods, and my stomach started to get a little upset.  I’m not sure why.  I’m wondering if it’s because I had more fat and not enough carbs after my run?  I’m secretly wondering if it was the pork.  Anyway, I didn’t get hungry until about 3:30.  I wonder if that was also because I had more fat with breakfast than I normally do?

Lunch: 4pm, last of the cauliflower soup with green onions and pulled pork.  The soup is gone, at last, at last!  Good thing because I have some minestone going in the crockpot now. 🙂

Dinner: 7:30, leftover meatballs
Nothing exciting, almost done with the leftover meatballs. Maybe I’ll finish them tomorrow for breakfast.

I’ve been watching The New Girl on Netflix for the past few days. I’m addicted. I’m halfway through season 2. I love finding new shows to watch. It’s so much more fun to binge watch instead of hanging through week after week.

Whole30: This time, GAME ON!

I have a lot of thoughts about what should go into this post, as I have a lot of reasons and objectives I want to sort through during the next 30 days.

Motivation

I have a mixture of motivations for taking this on now, as the holidays are approaching fast and furious.  At first glance, seems like it might be setting myself up for failure and for that reason, I initially resisted thinking ‘it’s futile to even try – I’ll just disappoint myself (again) and get frustrated and feel even worse‘.   Then, I thought about it and why it was so horrible to do it ‘during the holidays’.  For me and my life, the holidays aren’t really that much of a stresser.  It’s still me and Doc at home (with Eric making occasional appearances), I still have to work and deal with the ‘goodie of the day’ in the kitchen (it doesn’t really happen on a daily basis, but sometimes it seems like it does!), I still have to deal with getting all my work and personal stuff done, I still have to figure out how to get training sessions in, etc.  It didn’t seem like there was really a good reason not to do it now.  So…off I go!

I’ve tried this a few times and end up failing miserably, usually somewhere around either the 4-5 day or 10-12 day mark.  It’s at those points where I feel like I’ve got it figured out, I can do this!.  In reality – I don’t, and the fact that I would stop then just proves that I don’t.  The reason I break is usually one of the reasons I (subconsciously) started in the first place: I was relying on food for something other than nourishment.  That has to stop if I want to continue to work towards my goals.  I can’t eat for emotional reasons and expect to run a fast half or full marathon, it just won’t work.  I really want to run a fast half and full marathon.  I really want to qualify for the Boston Marathon.  In order to reach those goals, I have to figure out how bad I really do want it, and how far I’m willing to go out of my comfort zone in order to do so.  Because I’ll have to, there’s no question about that.

Fears

I’m really nervous about a few things, based on my past attempts at Whole30.  I’m fearful of the things that caused me to fail in the past, the false confidence, unwillingness to be uncomfortable (in hopes that one day it will be comfortable!).  I’m fearful of being tired, of having craptastic workouts, of being hungry and surrounded by non-compliant options.  I’m worried that I won’t allocate enough time or budget to food prep, or that I’ll choose the wrong foods to prep and end up hating what I made (which will send me straight to Subway).  Over the next few days, I’m going to document my strategy for dealing with those things once they happen.  Because I know they will happen.

Why try, Again?

I’m normal and healthy, medically speaking.  My BMI is around 24, I don’t have abnormal blood markers, I’m active, I don’t drink a lot and I don’t smoke, so as the medical community are concerned, I’m good.

But in my eyes, I’m not.  I’m also a triathlete, and I want to be good.   I don’t want to merely be a participant (not that there is anything wrong with that!  It’s all about your goals and what you want to get out of it), I want to kick some ass.  I’m over being at the front of the middle-of-the-pack (or if I’m lucky, back of the front-of-the-pack).  In order to do this, I need to be healthy.  I don’t think I’m necessarily unhealthy, but I do think there are aspects of my metabolism and body comp that could be better.  If I want to really become a better triathlete, I need to shake things up, somehow.  This is my attempt to do that, to (hopefully) re-set my metabolism so that I burn fat more efficiently, stabilize my blood sugar and cravings and reconnect with food to understand it’s role as nourishment, not comfort.

I’ve eaten probably an 80/20 Paleo/SAD for the past few months, so I’m not sure what to expect at the start.  I guess that’s why I always fell off the wagon, too.  I figure, I’m healthy, I eat Paleo for the most part – who cares or why does it matter if I have a few slices of pizza?  It matters.  At least, for what I’m trying to accomplish as an athlete, it matters.

My Commitment

I’m using this blog to help me be accountable.  I need this, because when you live by yourself, it’s very easy to eat an entire bag of peanut butter M&Ms and not have anyone know about it (not that I’ve ever done that..:)).  Blogging daily about my experiences will also help me sort through some of the issues I know will come up, giving me an outlet to process those.

Over the next 30 days, I promise to:

  • Blog every day, the good, bad, the ugly
  • Not check MyFitnessPal (I will put it into my “Never Use” folder on my phone)
  • Be honest
  • Not weigh myself
  • Make it 30 days

Here goes something!!