Day 10: Vindication

OMG, I found this post on the Whole30 website and it saved my life.  I feel legitimized, vindicated.  I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  It seems like the things I’m experiencing are completely normal.  Although, I kind of think maybe I had two or three of those phases all wrapped into one over the past few days, but after reading on the forums a bit I learned that’s also normal.  Thank God.

I was really nauseous all day today, not sure why.  I thought at first maybe it was my breakfast (maybe it was time to get rid of the pork), but it continued all day long.  I almost went home from work because I seriously thought I was going to ‘evacuate’ all over my keyboard.  I managed to get down a hard boiled egg and some fruit (pineapple and honeydew) and a few cashews, but that was it.  I had a headache all night before and on my way into work, so I took my tension headache meds when I got in the office.  I think maybe they were a bit too strong because the nausea became really intense after that.  I’ve never had that type of reaction to those before, but I’m guessing maybe it was because my gut lining is different (more sensitive) now, since it’s not coated with lots of crapola?  The nausea finally started to subside around 3, so I had some ginger tea then, which also helped.  I was also in a bad mood all day, hopefully because I felt bad (I don’t think I’m generally that much of a meanie, but I was definitely not happy yesterday).

I’m wondering if I’m getting these headaches and other body aliments because of stress (holiday shopping = poor Jess = stress).  I have never been one of those people who experience ‘body issues’ because of stress – my appetite is always good (of course!), I sleep ok, I don’t get nauseous.  Maybe, in addition to the other host of ‘cleansing’ symptoms I’m experiencing, this is one of them?  Body responses to stress?  I’m writing this post the day after Day 10, and while I still have a slight headache and I can tell my tummy is a bit off, it’s not as bad as it was.

It could also be coffee.  I will die if it’s coffee.  I’ve been drinking Trader Joe’s Winter Blend and absolutely love it.  It’s a bit darker of a roast than I normally drink, and with my increased stomach sensativity…could be it.  (yes, I have my coconut milk in it instead of regular creamer!).  My absolute favorite thing to do is get up early with a cup of coffee and work/browse on the computer.  If Whole30 is taking that away from me…we’re going to have issues.

I successfully made my blondie bars last night and only had one quick taste (to make sure they came out ok!).  SUCCESS!!  I find that brushing my teeth after dinner helps me not crave sweets.  An old diet trick, but it’s working for me now.

Breakfast: 7 am, 3 eggs with ghee and spinach, zucchini, pulled pork and 1/2 avocado.  That was a big breakfast, which is why I thought it might be the cause of my issues.

Breakfast 12/16

I have to eat breakfast at this time, because I leave for work after, but I’ve noticed over the past couple of days that sometimes I’m just not that hungry then.  I still eat (because that’s what I do!), but ideally, I would wait a bit later to do so.  I’ve tried bringing my breakfast to work before and I think it somewhat annoys people because of the smell, but I might try it again.  The trick is getting to eat sometime between the window of ‘I’m not awake enough to eat’ and ‘holy crap I’m going to eat my passenger seat I’m so hungry’.  There is definitely a sweet spot in there, at least for me.

No lunch, because I felt like if I ate it would not be good for my co-workers.  I did have a hard boiled egg and some pineapple and honey dew between 11-1, but that’s it.  I snacked on some cashews later in the day.

Came home and went to work on my sweet potato salad for our office pot luck tomorrow.  I hope it turns out ok.  I probably should have made something I’ve had before, so I don’t embarrass myself, but I think it will be fine.  Tomorrow is our ‘Food Fest’ where everyone brings a dish (my office supplies the staples, like cutlery, meatballs, a ham).  I think there are going to be 50-60 of us eating all this food, all week long.  I actually don’t think the temptation will be all that bad because, again, people are watching me.

The boyfriend comes in tomorrow, too.  We’re going to do our Christmas thing on Wednesday night because we won’t see each other until right before New Year’s :(.

Dinner: 7:30pm, Mustard glazed chicken thighs, broccoli.  I only had a bit because I wasn’t sure what my tummy would do, so it was a small dinner (no pic, sorry!).  It seemed to settle ok, but time will tell.

Better luck tomorrow!

Day 7: The Holiday Work Party

Today’s the day: Bowling Holiday Work Party.  Yikes.  I think I’ll be ok.  I usually can do ok, eating-wise, in public situations like this, as there are people watching (judging, says my cynical self), so my willpower can stay high.  (my issues are more when I’m alone and no one is around!).  I’m more concerned about the bowling part.  I’m not a good bowler, and I’m not crazy about the shoes for a number of reasons.  First, the ‘are they clean’ thing and second, I have big feet so I always end up in men’s shoes.  I don’t care what anyone says – you can tell they are mens shoes.  I am also a socially awkward penguin and not a fan of forced socialization or small talk.  Perhaps I should view this as an exercise is letting go of my insecurities and being more in the moment.

socially awkaward penguin

In other news, I need to start scouring Pintrest and the Interwebs for recipes to make this week, and start putting together a game plan for Christmas week at my parents house.  The Kindle version of the Well Fed cookbook  was on sale for $1.99 yesterday, so I bought that and found a few things I might try.

I threw the raisins out.  They are destructive to my efforts.  I can’t have ‘finger food’ around because my stop button is broken.  I just keep diving in for handful after handful.  It’s not productive and reinforces bad habits.  I’m not eating because I’m hungry, I’m eating because it’s something to do while watching TV, cooking, reading, etc.  No more finger food for the next 23 days.

I’m not doing food pics today because it’s all repeats.  Nothing exciting.  I need to get something new in rotation because I might be getting a little bored with some leftovers.

Breakfast: 7 am, 3 eggs, kielbasa sausage, zucchini (the usual!)  I am such a creature of habit, which is why it’ so hard for me to break bad habits, and to recognize which ones really are bad.

The party: 11:30 am – 2 pm.  A few carrots, celery, tomatoes, some pulled pork and grilled chicken.  Here’s a life lesson for you:  It’s probably best to not eat chicken from a bowling alley.  It did not sit well with my tummy.  My salad idea fell apart, and I actually had a weak moment.  I got hungry around 10, so I went downstairs and bought a packet of trail mix.  It was bad on two counts: a) my habit of picking at a bag of food until it’s gone, and b) I know it had all sorts of bad stuff on it.  I need to be be more prepared!  I had a hard boiled egg, but it was in the car.  I was so hungry that I knew it wouldn’t last for me, either.  I plowed through the trail mix, so by the time I got to the party I wasn’t as hungry as I was earlier.

It was interesting, it wasn’t that hard to stay away from the food at the party.  It kind of looked gross, what with being in a bowling alley, and my group was on the other side of the room from where the food was set-up, so it was fairly effortless to stay away.  The hard part came after I was leaving and mentally getting ready for the weekend.  This is normally when I’d not worry about dinner and stop and pick something up (a sub, pizza, or something likewise) and perhaps even a bottle of wine to tide me over for the few days.

The party itself was actually fun, too.  I get myself so worked up about these things, I need to just relax.  We bowled a couple games (I did 112 on one and 101 on another).  Bowling is hard!  It really does take some skill and coordination to do well at it.  But, not for me.  I’m not a bowler for the same reason I’m not a golfer – too frustrating, and you stay still for too long.

On my way home, it started to sink in just how hard it’s going to be during Christmas to stay away from the goodies.  I called my parents and my mom was making Christmas cookies.  She started describing them and I could just picture them and the display on Christmas Eve.  Then I started thinking more – my sister’s probably going to want to drink a night or two over break.  That’s when it dawned on me just how much strength and willpower I’m going to need over the next few weeks.  I know in my brain that what I’m doing is right, but I can see how falling back into old habits will be so easy to do.  This weekend I normally am baking tons and tons of Christmas cookies, drinking a lot of wine and watching Christmas movies.  This weekend, I’ll have a normalish weekend, but I’ll still watch the Christmas movies.  Sober.

Early dinner: 4:30 pm, more cabbage soup with kielbasa and sauteed mushrooms.  I’ll probably have something small later tonight, but I was starving.  I only had that little bit of pulled pork and the awful chicken for lunch, so I figured I could eat a little early.

Day 5: Hump Day Test

Today is Wednesday.  Wednesday is the day everything I committed to over the weekend generally goes to the toilet.  I go out for lunch (because I’ve ate in all week – I deserve a treat!), I don’t do my workout, I get lazy at home and start to focus on the weekend ahead (when I’ll reinvest myself again).  I am so determined not to let Hump Day break me.  I won’t let it.

determination

Breakfast: 7:10 am, 3 eggs, sausage patty, 1/2 avocado, one zucchini

Breakfast 12/11

Good breakfast.  Boyfriend called during it so I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I’d like, but it was nice to talk to the boyfriend as well.  Trade-offs. 🙂

Lunch: 12:15 pm, leftover meatballs and marinara sauce, steamed zucchini.  Snacks of cashews about an hour before that.

Lunch 12/11

Snack/Workout
So…bad idea to eat a Be Kind bar this afternoon.  I don’t think I had enoug for lunch because I was starving by around 3:30.  I had some carrots and almond butter, but it wasn’t enough.   I went downstairs and got a coffee (that was horrible) and a BeKind bar.  Almost immediately after eating it I got a throbbing headache and my tummy started feeling ‘off’.  I know it was a reaction to whatever was in that bar.  I know it’s probably not completely Whole30 compliant, but I was trying not to read too closely (ignorance is not bliss).  I learned my lesson…never again.

I wanted to get on the bike for an hour or so tonight, and when I got home I felt good so I didn’t eat a hard boiled egg before I got on.  I knew I’d be a little shaky on the bike because it was the third night in a row for it, but about 20′ into it I started to get lightheaded.  I pulled the plug and proceeded to eat two bananas, a Lara Bar and a bunch of raisins.

Next time, need to do better.  Always eat my pre-workout and post-workout meals.  Gotta do it.

Dinner:  7:15 pm, leftover coconut crusted chicken, brussel sprouts and apple mix, 1/2 yam and 1/4 avocado.

Dinner 12/11

Leftover night!!  Love it.  No cooking!  Not that I don’t like cooking, but I enjoy spending time doing things other than cooking sometimes.  Everything was good the second time around.

I survived Hump Day!!!  I didn’t give into any temptation (aside from that stupid BeKind bar), I started my workout even though I didn’t want to and I finished the day off good.   So, SO proud of myself.  Major hurdle overcome.

I love the Sing-off.  Seriously.  It’s such a fun show.  How can you not have fun watching those performances?  High energy, lots of talent.  Love it.